This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
