I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will pee on everything he values.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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