As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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