thus making me awesome and them whores
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
