I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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