Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize