I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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