i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
