He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
