Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
