So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
