i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
