with your own penis?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
