not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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