never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
