nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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