i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
