im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize