I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
