i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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