Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
