I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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