My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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