End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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