that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
