i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
