dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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