I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
