I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
