I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
