You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
