My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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