phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
