That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
