There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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