are you still at the devil's house?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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