I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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