My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
