Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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