I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
