She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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