i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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