I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
