You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
