He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
