My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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