I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
