I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
