My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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