His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
