either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
tell me about the fingering
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
