Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize