I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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