Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
