wanna go halves on a baby?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
