I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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