i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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