Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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