if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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