I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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