she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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