I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
