how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
