I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
