Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
