just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
