he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
whose parrot is this?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
