today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
