how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
