The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found puke in my bra..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
