my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
