Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
