it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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