Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
